Dear Nobody

I am opening this column with Dear Nobody to alert you all to something.{{more}} I like being a nobody because I get to go places where nobody is allowed. Once the security guards hear me say I am a nobody they stop worrying and let the poor handicapped guy go. Only one guard said he was making me a somebody and I had to leave. I gave him a big hug.

I also want to save you a lot of money. What I do for birthdays, weddings, holidays and other special events is to send everyone nothing. The enclosed card says; I am sending you nothing because nothing makes everyone happy, nothing solves all your problems and if you have everything what do you need? Nothing.

Some people have been embarrassing me when I am walking our dogs. Yes, we have three dogs Furphy, Buddy and Sex. But my wife decided Sex should be limited to our home and property to avoid being embarrassed. However, people keep coming up to me and asking, “Where do you have Sex? “ So please folks enough already.

The other day one of our kids handed us a bill for all the things he has done for us over the years; home repairs, yard clean up, shopping and more. My wife took it and wrote on the back how she carried him for nine months, breast fed and changed him, dressed him, cared for him when he was sick, made his meals, cleaned his room, paid his tuition to college and more. She wrote at the bottom: No Charge and handed it to him. The next day he handed it back to her. Written across his list were the words: Paid in Full.

At Stop & Shop during my therapy and shopping visit one of the employees I know said to me that she has never seen me angry. I thought that was an interesting comment and we discussed it. I actually do have a problem with anger and it comes from my surgeon’s personality. When I can’t fix and cure things I get angry. Family and patients have made me aware that I then took my anger and frustration out on them. So I am a lot better at understanding how to handle my feelings now when they say, “You’re not in the operating room now.”.

However, one of the aspects of an immune competent personality is the ability to express anger appropriately in defense of yourself. There are more questions you can review at my web site The point I am making is if I am not treated with respect I express my anger appropriately and not violently or destructively. If you are in the hospital and are referred to by your room number or disease then make noise and let people know you are a person with a name. As an intern it always impressed me that the seniors admitted with broken hips who bellowed when they needed something always did better than the submissive quiet, good patients who would develop pneumonia and other complications.

So speak up when you are not respected at home or out in the world. In the hospital you are far less likely to be mistaken for another patient that way and more likely to survive free of medical errors which kill 100,000 patients a year. Love and noise went together in my family like it did for the seniors in the hospital. We all simply wanted recognition and to be cared for and about.


Failure is nature’s plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. Napolean Hill Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Adair Lara

We currently have a mind, heart and health matters support group for those in need and for caregivers who need support the first Wednesday evening of every month and a cancer support group the second and fourth Tuesday evenings of the month at Coachman’s Square on Bradley Road, Woodbridge. If interested contact Lucille Ranciato 203 288 2839; or myself for details

And again at Amity HS evening two session class on July 17 and July 31. Can sign up through Karen Wade at Amity